Come as you are
The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, Phd
“Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life” by Emily Nagoski is a groundbreaking book that delves into the complexities of female sexuality with a refreshing and empowering perspective. Nagoski, a sex educator with a Ph.D. in Health Behavior, combines scientific research, relatable anecdotes, and practical advice to help readers understand and embrace their sexual identities.
The book’s central thesis is that every woman’s sexuality is unique and that there is no “normal” way to experience desire and arousal. Nagoski introduces the concept of the “dual control model,” which explains how sexual response is governed by a balance of excitatory and inhibitory factors, akin to a car’s accelerator and brakes. This model provides a clear framework for understanding how various physical, emotional, and contextual factors influence sexual desire and arousal.
Nagoski’s approach is both compassionate and non-judgmental, making her insights accessible and relatable. She debunks common myths about female sexuality, such as the idea that women should have spontaneous, “light-switch” desire or that certain physical responses are indicative of arousal. Instead, she emphasizes the importance of context, emotional well-being, and individual differences in shaping sexual experiences.
One of the book’s standout features is its emphasis on self-acceptance and body positivity. Nagoski encourages readers to embrace their bodies and sexual selves without shame or guilt. She provides practical exercises and mindfulness techniques to help women tune into their bodies, enhance their sexual pleasure, and foster a healthy, fulfilling sex life.
“Come as You Are” also addresses the impact of societal pressures and cultural messages on women’s sexuality. Nagoski explores how stress, body image issues, and negative sexual experiences can act as brakes on sexual desire and offers strategies for overcoming these barriers. Her holistic approach integrates physical, emotional, and psychological aspects of sexual health, providing a comprehensive guide for women seeking to improve their sexual well-being.
Nagoski’s writing is engaging and informative, blending humor and warmth with scientific rigor. She presents complex scientific concepts in an accessible manner, making the book suitable for both lay readers and those with a background in sex education or health. Her use of real-life stories and relatable examples helps to demystify sexual science and makes her advice feel practical and achievable.
In conclusion, “Come as You Are” is an essential read for anyone interested in understanding and improving female sexuality. Emily Nagoski’s insightful and empowering book offers a transformative perspective on sexual health, encouraging women to embrace their unique sexual identities and cultivate a fulfilling sex life. It is a must-read for women of all ages and anyone who wants to better understand the complexities of female desire.
